My Deep Question for the Night....

How did My Pretty Pony Disney Princess

make it to the Idol finale over "my girl, Melinder?"

Huh, America?

I mean, really!?!

More to Consider

I found out this weekend from the "Presbytery grapevine" that the pastor of a terrific, mid-size congregation in this city in the Bible Belt is leaving next month. For a long time, I have been imagining myself as the pastor of this congregation, but never believed that this particular pastor would be leaving any time soon.

I've also heard through "the grapevine" that some key lay leaders of this church have been asking my Presbytery colleagues about my potential interest in this call. Man, this would be a great call: we wouldn't have to move, the church is three blocks from my son's school, I wouldn't have to take my son out of his Spanish immersion program, I could continue in my Spiritual Director training with my group and my Spiritual Director.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!! There's always more to consider.

Since this pastor is going to be leaving next month, it will be 6 months or more (probably more) before they will be ready to begin the search process. I am certainly not arrogant enough to believe that I have a lock on the position, but it hearing about this has exposed my true feelings that were hidden even to me that I really would like to stay here in this city.

I am still rather keen on this congregation far, far away with whom I've been interviewing. I am confident that my husband and I will know what is right, when the time is right. However, sometimes I think God says to us,"This would be good *and* that would be good. You'll be useful and blessed whatever." All I know right now is that I am called to pastor a congregation and that I am languishing in my current position. I know that sounds awfully melodramatic-languishing- but that is exactly how it feels. Would I be able to wait potentially a year in order to be considered for this call, which I may or may not get?

Thanks for reading; if you're still reading, this stream of consciousness post. I feel like my brain has tilted inside of my head. Pray for me.

Seven Things

SingingOwl has tagged me for this here meme.

So, here are "Seven Things You Really Didn't Want To Know About Me and Because Of That You Never Thought To Ask"

1. I moved over 20 times before I was 10 years old. My Dad was neither a pastor nor in the military, just a restless soul.

2. I am addicted to TV show, Heroes. Before this show came on, I never felt the need to read the online forums like Television Without Pity. Now, I read the online "graphic novel" (comic book to me) and read the forums about theories about how the season will end. Will Peter explode and destroy New York? Will Sylar kill Nathan and become President? Will the indestructible cheerleader ever have a bad hair day? Yeah, I'm a freak!

3. No one over the age of 18 months is allowed to touch me with their feet. This includes my husband and children who all have rather nasty feet. After 18 months, a child's feet have been walked on long enough to have lost their cute, soft, "babiness" and have turned into sweaty, smelly, "Bam-Bam" feet. Yuck.

4. Before I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and began using a C-Pap machine at night, I would wake up in the middle of almost every night sitting up in bed with my legs crossed, my pillow in my lap and my head resting on my pillow. This was from the time I was child and everyone just thought I was strange or doing it on purpose. The reality was that I would stop breathing when I was lying down and I sat up in order to breathe.

5. Right after my daughter was delivered via emergency c-section, my doctor showed my husband my uterine fibroids before he sewed me up. It's strange to know that my husband has literally seen inside me.

6. Dick Cheney spoke at my high school graduation. You see, I graduated from Dick and Lynn's alma mater. It was 1990 and he had just become Secretary of Defense, so Secret Service was everywhere, which completely sucked! I don't remember a word that Cheney said.

7. My feet grew 1/2 a size with each baby. These are the kind of things that they don't tell you!

Since tomorrow is Friday Five, I'm going to break the rules and not tag anyone. If you want to play, let me know and I'll visit!

Just Breathe

This is morning I presented my final project for year one of Spiritual Director training, which was a six session plan for a small group to practice breath prayer. I led my class in one of the sessions and I thought that it was going to seem forced and bit artificial because of being evaluated and all. But, man, even with my lowered expectations, the Spirit showed up!

Breath prayer apparently was exactly what the group participants, including my Spiritual Director, needed this morning. After the period of silent breath prayer, we entered into a time to write in our journals and then a time to witness to one another about our experiences in the prayer time. The depth of sharing was incredible, as God had spoken to each us in surprising, unique and very intimate ways. It was actually a bit overwhelming, but only because I found myself fighting against the part of myself that doesn't like to risk vulnerability. However, since the leader of the group is a participant, I did finally relax, followed my breath, and God was there.

In breath prayer, you pray a word or short phrase or sentence along with each breath you take. This prayer form helps us to "pray without ceasing." You discover your breath prayer by imagining God asking you, "What do you want?" Then, you choose a name for God that is meaningful to you at that moment. For instance, if what you are seeking is comfort and your name for God is "Shepherd," then your breath prayer could be, "Shepherd, let me know your comfort."

My breath prayer this morning was "Spirit, help me to be ready" because I am in a discernment period and believe that my next call is imminent. As I was praying, I found that I was having a great deal of difficulty taking deep breaths. As I inhaled through my nose, I felt like something was blocking my breath. I tried breathing in through my mouth, but that was only slightly better.

I felt the Spirit saying to me, "I want to teach you something here. Relax, don't force. Part of 'being ready' is to resist your tendency to be impatient and to force. Trust me to 'ready' you and know that a congregation is being 'readied' too for your leadership." In my prayer, I also felt the freedom to "let loose" of a congregation I have been in contact with that I know in my heart is not my call. I've been holding on to them as sort of a life preserver because I am fairly certain that they would extend a call to me. (I know that sounds really arrogant, but that is the sense that I get from them.) I understand now that, in a way, my holding on to them is like blocking the breath of the Spirit.

Tonight I had a second phone interview with the PNC (search committee) from a different congregation. While some phone interviews feel like an interrogation, this was more of a meaningful conversation among friends. When I pray about this potential call, my breath is free and I am able to fill my lungs.

Graduate Recognition

Does anyone know of a good litany or prayer for graduation recognition? If so, may I borrow? Pretty, pretty please? With proper credit given in our bulletin, of course!

I'm tired of the ones I've used before and my creative well is dry right now. Many of those that I have call for the graduates to say a part in the litany, which usually is a wonderful idea. However, this year we only have one high school graduate and she would mortified to be asked to speak all by herself.

If anyone can help me out, e-mail me.

WTH?

Why are the month headings in my blog archive now in Spanish?

ETA: As soon as I posted this, it changed back to English. Is Blogger trying to gaslight me?

Friday Five: Party Time!

Songbird says: I hate to say it, but over the years I've been to too many parties where I, or the birthday child, has felt much like the chorus of Lesley Gore's old tune. I am therefore not the biggest fan of birthday parties.For this Friday (which happens to be my birthday), tell us these five things about parties, birthday or otherwise.

1) Would you rather be the host or the guest?

Oh, definitely the guest! Much less stress!

2) When you are hosting, do you clean everything up the minute the guests go home? Will you accept help with the dishes?

I'll clean up anything that might attract ants right away, but the rest probably waits until later. I absolutely would accept help with the dishes. I'd appreciate the help and often wonderful conversations arise from doing mundane tasks together.

3) If you had the wherewithal, and I guess I mean more than money, to throw a great theme party, what would the theme be?

This is less a "theme" and more of an "experience:"

I think it would be fun to spontaneously to show up at my friends' houses in a limo and then head to a spa to get pampered head to toe. Then, go to Nordstrom's and have a personal shopper choose fun "out on the town" outfits for each of us. Then we would go eat a sumptuous dinner with lots of wine and dessert, of course. I would want to "party" with only about 2 or 3 other women.

4) What's the worst time you ever had at a party?

Oh, this is easy. In my early 20's I had a crush on this cute guy from work. So, I was thrilled when one day he asked if I would like to go to a party with him that night. I was quite a bit less impressed with this fellow when we got to the party and it was a fireplacin' Amway party! To quote Deena Carter, "Did I shave my legs for this?"

5) And to end on a brighter note, what was the best?

I tend to not enjoy big bashes because it's a lot of work for me to "mill around" and be sociable. So, the best party I've ever been to was when my husband surprised me by taking the kids to a friend's house for the night and took me away to a B&B. Our room had a jacuzzi tub and there were roses and champagne waiting. Now, that is my kind of party!

Opening Up Pandora's Box

I just finished plugging in all of the relevant details of my life and ministry into the Church Leadership Connection data base. Blech! It's hard to squeeze all that I want to say into 1500 characters (not words, mind you, but characters) for each section. I'm not the most verbose pastor in the world, but that's tough to do.

I've resisted putting my name is "the system," because I much prefer to self-refer to Pastor Nominating Committees (PNC). My experience previously has been that I've been inundated with e-mails and phone calls from PNCs, mostly in areas of the country in which we aren't interested. Now, I know that the Deep South and the North East of the USA have numerous charms and delights, but no way, no how will my husband even consider living in those regions. Pretty much, if I should want to go east of the Mississippi River, I would have to go alone.

I hate having to tell a hopeful, faithful member of a PNC that I'm not even remotely interested. However, I can't do 12 phone interviews a week either and I don't want to waste a PNCs valuable time.

So, why have I opened Pandora's box and put my PIF (Personal Information Form) in the online system? I am feeling very hopeful and excited about two churches with whom I have already made contact. I am just getting concerned that perhaps I am closing myself off from potentially wonderful calls that, for whatever reason, I haven't considered.

The kaleidoscope keeps turning and I'm waiting for my piece to shift into place.

A Gift from Songbird

In the mail today I received a package from Songbird filled with some lovely smelling items: lavender scented soap, hand salve, foam bath, and candle all in a very pretty travel bag.

What did I do do deserve such wonderful self-care items, you ask? Nothing, except read and comment on her incredible blog. Apparently, a while back, mine was the 100,000 comment on her blog and she wanted to give a prize. Because we all know what a drag it is to read Songbird's blog and since no one reads it, she needs to bribe readers to drop by! ;)

But really, if there's a RevGal out there who hasn't checked out Songbird's blog (which I doubt, but you never know,) get thee to Set Free on the double to read wonderful posts from someone who really knows how to write.

Thanks, Songbird! I really appreciate the gift. How lucky am I?

Friday Five: What Are You...

1. Wearing
a pink blouse, jean capri pants, bare feet

2. Pondering
I am the moderator of a Presbytery committee and I am trying to figure out how to respond to a Presbytery colleague who has gone over my head. Hmmmmm.....

3. Reading
I just finished a delightful novel titled Miss Julia Speaks Her Mind by Ann B. Ross. It's about a proper Southern woman who find her voice and herself following the sudden death of her over-protective and patronizing husband.

4. Dreaming
I am dreaming about being the pastor of a small church in the mountains.

5. Eating
I'm eating a bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal with soy milk.

Confirmation

Is it wrong to hate teaching Confirmation class?

I have three middle school girls in the class this year. They are very sweet and I love them, but Confirmation is clearly not priority for them. They have mentors that they are supposed to meet with at least 4 times to talk about spiritual journey, worship, stewardship and mission. Then they are to do an assignment reflecting what they learned. We accomplished the spiritual journey portion at the opening retreat, but they have dragged their feet on the other assignments. In fact, I cancelled last week's meeting because none of them had done their assignments. Yesterday, one girl showed up on time (with out her assignment completed) and the other two completely forgot that we had class! I gave a schedule to them AND their parents at the beginning and I make phone calls to remind them. Grrrrrr....

So, I had a "come to Jesus" conversation with them and told them that perhaps we should just cancel the class all together and try again next year. They seemed shocked that I would even consider doing that and I could see them searching my face to see if I was bluffing. I wasn't and they realized that.

So, we'll see.

Friday Five: Surprised By Joy

Jesus said to them, "Children, you have no fish, have you?" They answered him, "No."He said to them, "Cast the net to the right side of the boat, and you will find some." So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in because there were so many fish. That disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!" When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on some clothes, for he was naked, and jumped into the sea. (John 21:5-7)

Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning. (Psalm 30:5b)

Songbird says: This week I've been watching parents of the young people slain at Virgina Tech trying to make meaning out of the lives of their lost children, and each one seems to begin by focusing on something joyful about that child. It's a gift that most humans have brains wired to respond in that way. For some of us it can be harder to work our way out of dark places, but I believe joy remains the key. It is the spirit of resurrection.

Tell us about five people, places, or things that have brought surprising, healing joy into your life.

1) My husband, J.
I was not one of those little girls who had her wedding planned by the time she was 12. Before I met J., my longest dating relationship had been 4 months and I honestly didn't care if I ever got married. I met J. on New Year's Eve ... at a bar. (Anybody who knows me well thinks that is hysterical!) When I met J., my thought was ,"Oh, there you are!" We were married 8 months later and will celebrate our 9th anniversary this August. Actually, we celebrate 2 anniversaries each year; the one in August and another on New Year's Eve.

2) My children, J.H. and C.
Experiences like a few nights ago notwithstanding (see last post and comments), my children have brought inexpressible joy into my life. Before I met my husband, I never really imagined myself as a mother. In fact, I told J. that if having children was very important to him, he probably shouldn't marry me. However, the strangest thing happened, I said "I do" and then I wanted kids. It was truly that instantaneous!

I love my kids for all the ways they remind me of myself and my husband and for all the ways in which they are completely and utterly their own persons. For instance, my daughter at 3 years old has already told me all about her wedding. She says she's going to wear a white dress, white tights, white sandals, white gloves, and white headband.

3) City in the Bible Belt
I've written before about how wonderful our experience in this city has been. I never imagined that we would like living here as much as we do, as I had no idea how much this city had to offer in the way of of museums, parks, etc. I'm not sure how much longer we'll be living here, so I have been making a list of all the things I want to make sure to do here before we leave.

4) Spiritual Direction training
Last September, a pastor in our Presbytery who has a spiritual direction practice (is that the right term?) called me out of the blue to ask if I would be interested in a joining a spiritual direction group. She said that my name kept popping up to her in prayer and on my end, the topic of spiritual direction was constantly coming up in conversation and in my readings. It has been absolutely fantastic to practice many forms of prayers and learn how lead groups in these disciplines. This is year one of a 3 year course to be certified as a spiritual director.

5) RevGalBlogPals
I had been craving fellowship with a community of women pastors and for months I had been searching the Internet for such a community. However, when I would plug in "women pastors" or "female clergy" and so on in the search engine, it would only come up with sites for pastors' wives and sites dedicated to arguing against women becoming pastors. How great was my surprise and joy when I read about RevGalBlogPals in a September issue of the Christian Century! I am inspired, challenged, entertained and empowered by your posts and I cherish each and every encouraging, kind, funny and smart-assed comment you make my blog! I only wish I had found you all much, much sooner!

I'm Just Sayin'...

Dining out with a 3 year old just plain sucks.

Grief

My first thought when I heard the news yesterday was, "Dear God, not again!" It took me right back to April of 1999 when I was living in Denver and serving a church in a neighboring suburb of Littleton. I had kids in my youth group who knew some of the kids who were killed, as well as the shooters, Dylan and Eric.

Like most fo us, I suppose, I feel so helpless to do anything. So, I can only add my prayers to the prayers of so many in our country and around the world for comfort for the shocked and grief-stricken.

God help us all.

Yeah, I'm Weird.

Alex tagged me with this meme. ETA: I just discovered that Cheesehead also tagged me for this one. My weirdness is known to all, apparently! :)

I am to name six aspects of my weird self! Only six? I could go on and on, but here you go:

1. I like to drink water and I like to drink lemonade, but I don't care for lemon in my water.

2. The only Rolling Stones songs I like are in a minor key (e.g. "Paint It Black.")

3. I can whistle a tune through my rolled up tongue. My kids love it when I whistle "This Old Man" (also the tune for Barney's "I Love You" song.)

4. I hate, I hate, I hate going clothes shopping. When I need to buy new clothes, I need a chaperon to accompany me or I won't try anything on and I'll gravitate to the bookstore.

5. I don't like french fries or popcorn.

6. When I was a little girl of about five or six, I would play "church" and serve communion to my dolls. I heard the call to the pastoral ministry early in life!

I tag Hipchickmamma, Lutheran Mom and Mags

Who, Me Hyper-Critical?

I've been called out.

In the past two days, two people I love and admire, my husband and our Presbytery's General Presbyter (GP), have lovingly and gently pointed out to me that I may be putting up a wall of hyper-criticism in my search for a new call. They're right. I tend to read a CIF with an eye toward what might be wrong with these churches rather than the points of connection.

I do this because I am afraid of the "bait and switch," that I have already experienced. Back in 2001 when I accepted my first call, I was too naive and inexperienced to realize that I would never be able to live up to the unspoken expectations of many members of this church and the Head of Staff. Namely, that my mere presence as a young, 29 year old pastor would attract hoards of young families to the church. Oh, and they didn't want to change anything in order for this to happen. Disillusionment set in, on both sides, and I left after 15 months. It was definitely not what I had in mind when I first felt called to be a pastor.

Well, my husband got a job in this city and I came along with my tail between my legs, without a call. God has been good. I didn't even have to look for employment, two churches sought me out and I worked as a part-time, uninstalled pastor at both; one for 3 months and the other for 3 years and counting. It has been great, as I have been able to work as a pastor and spend lots of time with my son and daughter (who was born here 7 months after we arrived.)

So, yes I am extremely wary and careful about which churches I engage in conversion. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing, but I am deluding myself in thinking that I can control everything about this call process. I can always think of a thousand reasons why a church isn't the right one: too big, too small, too rich, too poor, no Spanish immersion program for my son, they have their children's Sunday School during worship (that IS a major deal to me, however), and so on and so on.

My GP is right, I need to go into the process looking for the positives, because if I'm looking for the negatives, I'll certainly find them. What it comes down to is fear: fear that I won't find the right place.... and fear that I will. My hyper-criticism is allowing me to remain static and not have to make any decisions.

So, I did send off a sermon tape today that was requested by a PNC in a very cold state (see, there I go again!) And I continue to send my PIF out. I appreciate your prayers so much.

The kaleidoscope keeps turning...

Random Thoughts After Holy Week

I'm easing back into blogging after a bit of a drought. Here's what is on my mind this Easter Monday...

• The TV fast was so great! My kids and I did a bunch of craft projects, sang songs around the piano, read several books.
• As a result, I've established a new "no TV on school days" rule.
• My son countered with a "no blogging for Mama until kids are in bed" rule.
• He's absolutely right!
• Today I watched the American Idol episodes I taped during Holy Week. Poor Gina: she had to sing the sad Charlie Chaplin song for her sing-out. "Smile, though your heart is breaking." :( And I love Michael Buble, but I think he might have had a couple before he performed. Yikes!
• I started taking Wellbutrin last week and it seems like it's helping with my concentration and energy.
• Getting off of zoloft really sucks. I'm tapering it off like I'm supposed to, but I'm still feeling a bit nauseated and dizzy.
• My husband is getting frustrated with me becasue I am so "blah" about every Church Information Form (CIF) I read. He is so ready for me to be working full-time because there is always more month than paycheck.
• The interim pastor hasn't met a litany that she doesn't like. I'm getting really tired of having everything so dang scripted in worship.
• Yes, I know my frustration is less about her and more about my restlessness and desire to be a solo pastor.
• I'm having major guilt issues because leaving here would mean taking my son out of an amazing Spanish language immersion school. I've prayed that God would call me somewhere with a similar program, but is that trying to put conditions on God's call?

Holy Week

Let the same mind be in you that was that was in Christ Jesus,
who, though he was in the form of God,
did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited,
but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness.
And being found in human form, he humbled himself
and became obedient to the point of death— even death on a cross

Philippians 2:5-8

(Marc Chagall: The White Crucifixion)

Friday Five: Holy Week, Batman!

ReverendMother says: Well, the Clergy Superbowl is almost upon us, and so, I offer up this Friday Five (with apologies for the irreverent title):

1. Will this Sunday be Palms only, Passion only, or hyphenated?

Our service is going to be Palms to Passion. I do wish that we would just linger at Palm Sunday that day, but I'm not in charge! I suppose since many people don't come to the Holy Week services, this assures that they don't just go from celebration to celebration without experiencing some of the hard stuff.

2. Maundy Thursday Footwashing: Discuss.

Well, I grew up in a tradition before I was Presby where the men and women went to separate rooms to do the footwashing. Most of the women would wear nylons and the water would just sort of bead and run off. The Presbyterian churches I've been involved with haven't been too keen on the footwashing, but last year we did wash the children's' feet while we sang "Jesu, Jesu, Fill Us With Your Love." It was quite moving.

3. Share a particularly meaningful Good Friday worship experience.

I'm having a hard time answering this because all of the services are blurring together. I wonder what that says about me? I do find Good Friday services very meaningful.

4. Easter Sunrise Services--choose one:
a) "Resurrection tradition par excellence!"
b) "Eh. As long as it's sunrise with coffee, I can live with it."
c) "[Yawn] Can't Jesus stay in the tomb just five more minutes, Mom?!?"

A combination of all three. I love sunrise services, but I am so not a morning person! We've never had one since I've been at this church.

5. Complete this sentence: It just isn't Easter without...

Beginning the service with a stripped church from the Maundy Thursday service and bringing in the visuals (lilies, paraments, etc.) while we sing a joyful Easter hymn. Gives me chills every single time!

Bonus: I don't know much about the Easter Vigil, unfortunately. I'll look forward to reading all of your answers on this. So, my bonus will just be to tell you about a tradition that my family has for Holy week: we have a television fast. This is going to be particularly hard this year because I really want to see what hairstyle Sanjaya comes up with this week on American Idol! Is it cheating to Tivo it and watch it next week?

I'm Back, Kinda

Dell finally came through and I have another computer to replace the lemon they sold me before. I'm slowly coming back to the blogosphere, but I haven't had the heart to write anything for awhile.

I'm taking steps to try to feel better. I've been walking and watching my sugar intake, but I think that I need my meds adjusted. So, I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist on Thursday. I hope to get on something that will help me not feel like I'm living my life in slow motion. Also, I hope to find a med that won't take away any and all sexual desire so that I might stay married.

On the upside, I've got really beautiful tulips in my flowerbeds right now! I wish I had a digital camera, so I could post a photo of them. In the fall, I bought a very cheap bag of bulbs at Home Depot, not expecting much from them. But they are gorgeous- some red, some yellow, some red AND yellow! I'm taking hope that I can find pleasure in this small thing.

Computers: Can't Live With Them, Can't Live Without Them!

My computer, which is thankfully still under warranty, went to computer heaven last week. So, I'm waiting for Dell to send me a new one.

I'm beginning to feel better. Thanks for your kind comments and prayers. I'll be blogging again with gusto soon!

I'm Here, Kinda

I've been fighting a nasty cold this week and I am still in a bit of a funk, so I haven't felt like doing much of anything, including blogging. This cold keeps tricking me into thinking that I'm getting better, such as yesterday when I had lunch with Linda. Now it feels like all the gunk is making its way to my chest. Great.

I have several things brewing that I want to write about here, but I can't summon the will to do it. I am not like some bloggers who, like Henri Nouwen, are able to write poignantly and eloquently about how they are feeling when they are in the middle of a depressive episode. Words fail me. I just want to find a small, warm, soft and dark place to hide until I feel like emerging.

So, I'm here....kinda

Friday Five: Companions on the Way

Songbird says: Dante had Virgil as a guide. Before he had younger siblings, my oldest child had an imaginary friend named Patrick. Betsy had Tacy. Laura Ingalls depended on her brindle bulldog, Jack. All of them were companions on the way.

As we take the beginning steps of our journey through Lent, who would we take as a companion? Name five people, real or imaginary, you might like to have with you as guide or guardian or simply good friend.

Mary Magdalene: During Lent, I like to read the gospels and imagine events through the eyes of one of the disciples. Usually I have chosen one of the Twelve, but this year I chose Mary.

Henri Nouwen: I am in a funk right now and Nouwen is always helpful for reminding me how loved I am by God.

My pastor-mommy friend: I have a friend in my Presbytery who is my age and is someone with whom I can be real. We talk on the phone at least once a week, but I am hoping that we will get together a few times face to face during Lent.

Mother Teresa: In 1994, during my Senior year of college, I travelled with a group to Calcutta to work in the Missionaries of Charity's ministries among the "poorest of the poor." I had the incredible blessing to meet Mother Teresa and, as you can imagine, it was one of the defining moments of my life. (I promise, Hipchickmamma, I will blog about it all one day!)

Sister Mo: When I returned home from Calcutta and began my last semester of college, I was in a bad way. It's always overwhelming when you're on the verge of graduating and launching into something else. I was overwhelmed by all that; however, I was also really needing to process my experiences in India and I was beginning to sense that the denomination that nurtured and raised me was not to be the one in which I would remain.

So, on my Spring Break that year I went to a Roman Catholic retreat center in a nearby town to pray, reflect, and rest. The director of this retreat center was Sister Mo. She met with me everyday I was there, usually in the hot tub, which was very cool. I didn't have the vocabulary for it then, but what she was doing was spiritual direction. Her ministry to me made a huge difference in my life.

I am now in the first year of Spiritual Director training. This week, we are practicing journaling as a form of prayer. In our class on Tuesday, we were asked to choose someone who had influenced us spiritually and journal conversation with them. At first, I thought that this was just cheesy and wondered how it could be considered prayer. I am sometimes incredibly suspicious and resistant. However, this turned out to be one of the most meaningful prayer forms we have practiced thus far. I never would have connected what I am experiencing now back to that time in my life. If you are up to reading it, I would like to share with you the "conversation" I had with Sister Mo that day.

Mo: Would you like to join me in the hot tub?

Me: Oh- that would be wonderful.

Mo: I remember chatting with you here back in 1994- you were 21 years old.

Me: Yes, I came to this retreat center for some solitude and prayer during my Spring Break my senior year.

Mo: Why did you come here instead of heading to the beach with your friends?

Me: I needed some time to reflect. I was conflicted and overwhelmed spiritually, physically and emotionally. I needed to get away from my "normal" life for awhile.

Mo: Why was that?

Me: I was about to graduate with a degree in Bible and Religion. I felt called to be a pastor, but I wasn't sure I would be able to do that in my denomination. Also, I hadn't "recovered," so to speak, form my trip to Calcutta to serve with the Missionaries of Charity. Meeting Mother Teresa and doing the work there had been THE highlight of my life, thus far. However, seeing the immense poverty made me feel that everything I was doing here in the States was unimportant- sinful even.

Mo: Wow- you did have a lot to process. Now you're here in my hot tub again 13 years later. How is what you're experiencing now similar to back in 1994?

Me: hmmm..... Well, I feel like I'm on the verge of that "next step." I'm feeling like what I'm doing now is unimportant, superfluous- perhaps even that it's sinful for me to be doing what I'm doing. pointless- worthless.

Mo: Back in 1994, how did God speak? What did God communicate to you?

Me:That in my life and ministry, then, I was being called to finish school and continued to get prepared. God told me that there was a wonderful opportunity just ahead of me. God said, 'Be patient. you'll see!'

Mo: What is God saying to you now?

Me: God is saying, "I have called you to be where you are now. Finish your work with diligence and faithfulness. There is another wonderful opportunity just ahead- you'll love it. I will bless you and your family. Be patient. You'll see!"

Mo: God is good, all the time.

Me: All the time, God is good.

Square One

I've just told the PNC I spoke to on Tuesday night that I am not the one they are seeking. I feel very good about this decision. The kaleidoscope keeps turning and, for the time being, this piece of the mosaic is staying here.

Relief

I never thought I would feel a sense of peace and relief from someone losing their job, but I do. It feels awful to admit that I am glad that someone now has to go job hunting. But that's the way I feel, especially since this termination is about, say, two years overdue.

I used to be very lukewarm about the topic of church members working as the church administrative assistant. No more! It is much too painful and much too hard to end the employment if things aren't working out. No, you have to have someone in there that sees the pastor(s) as the boss with no role confusions.

She has been given more than ample opportunity to improve her behavior, particularly her insubordinate attitude towards the pastors. I didn't realize how worn down I was feeling by it until Tuesday night's Session meeting when we were discussing her termination. When asked my thoughts, I started crying and told them that I hated going to the office because I felt abused. Now it's done and she won't be there the next time I go in.

So, I drink a glass of wine tonight and breathe a sigh of relief that no more will I have to endure in the office:

• temper tantrums when I want something changed in the worship bulletin,
• having everything I write for the church newsletter rewritten in the way she thinks it should be,
• not being able to use the second church phone line because she's on it half the day,
• having things "lost" or "forgotten" because she didn't want to deal with it,
• and especially, being treated like I'm a stupid, irresponsible kid.

I truly hope she finds a great job where she can use her considerable skills and where she gets to be the boss. Maybe now I won't get sick to my stomach just thinking about going into the church office.

I've Slept On It

This morning, my husband said to me, "I didn't say anything to you last night, but when you came out of our room after the phone interview, I could tell by your body language that you weren't very enthusiastic." He's right, I wasn't. Part of it was that I felt I rambled through the interview, but also I didn't feel that "spark" that I feel when I'm really clicking with people.

They seem like a wonderful congregation and it's in a beautiful location. I am concerned about several of the questions they asked me in the vein of "What are you going to do to attract new, younger members?" In my first call, I found out after I arrived that the underlying, unspoken expectation was that my mere presence as a, then 29 year old, young pastor was going to attract hoards of young families to the church. Of course, they weren't willing to make the changes necessary for that to happen and disillusionment set in.

I'm going to spend some more time in prayer.

Motor Mouth

I just rambled my way through an hour and a half phone interview with a PNC (Pastor Nominating Committee.) I think it went all right, but there were times when my mouth kept moving when my head was saying, "Okay, you can shut up now!"

Need sleep.

HA-HA!!!

You go, Dixie Chicks!!!

Friday Five: American Idol

Songbird says: Yes, it's true. I've been watching Season Six of American Idol with my daughter, our first time dipping into this particular well of pop culture. In the spirit of believing you can do anything, as the auditioners so clearly do, please fill in the following five blanks.

1) If I could sing like anyone, it would be Sarah McLachlan.







2) I would love to sing the song "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N'Roses. It's got a beautiful melody AND it rocks!








3) It would be really cool to sing at Red Rocks in Colorado. It is the best place to see a concert!




4) If I could sing a dream duet it would be
with Elton John of the '70s, dressed up as Donald Duck!







5) If I could sing on a TV or radio show, it would be the finale of "Thirty-Something Idol." You know they're gonna have it!

American Idol is one of my many guilty pleasures. However, I've stopped watching this season because the "auditions" have been particularly mean spirited, IMO. I'll start watching again when the talented folks start competing.

A New "I'm Sick of Being a Fat, Fat Fatty" Blog

When I had my little health scare last month I wrote about getting real about my health; my weight in particular. Several people e-mailed me to say that they were ready, too. So, I created another blog dedicated to support in this endeavor and invited those who e-mailed me. This blog is private, as I'm not sure I want to broadcast my weight and measurements for the entire blogosphere- just a small corner of it! So far, there are three of us contributing to this blog. Cool.

If anyone else is interested, e-mail me and I'll send you an invite.

For once, it'll be great to be a loser!

It Begins

The Pastor Nominating Committee of a church two time zones away wants to have a phone interview with me. This is the only church I've submitted my PIF to since I began sensing that it was time to move on. This area of the country was not even on my radar, but I liked reading their Church Information Form so much that I decided to throw my hat in the ring.

I have two competing desires right now; the desire to stay and the desire to go. I desire to stay here because I do still love my congregation and my family loves this city in the Bible Belt. My son is in a great school where he is in a Spanish language immersion program. I am very reluctant to take him out of that great opportunity. There are absolutely no PCUSA churches in this area (except mine) that are looking for a pastor right now. Even if a pastor decided to leave tomorrow, it would be a year or more before that church would be ready to call a pastor. I know in my heart that God is calling me to go sooner rather than later.

I have no idea if this church that wants to interview me is my call or someone else's. The only way to know is to talk with them, have some serious heart to heart talks with my husband and pray- a lot.

I'm Back

I guess it was a bit mean of me to write a post like my last one and then drop off the face of the earth! The day after I went to the ER, my computer had to go to the repair depot for the third time in a month and it took for-ev-er to get it back.

I am feeling fine now. Thank you to everyone who e-mailed me to check up on how I was doing. You make me feel so loved. I missed my blog friends! *sniff*

My Afternoon

Before you read the rest of this, I want to let you know that I'm home and apparently have nothing wrong with me. Sure doesn't feel that way, but that's what the doc said.

At about 1:30 pm today, I sat down on the couch with my laptop, intent on actually doing some work, when all of the sudden I felt a squeezing pain in my chest and in between my shoulder blades. This pain was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. It wasn't a knock you on the floor searing pain, but like I was being squeezed in a vise.

Needless to say, I was a bit freaked out. So, I called my husband and told him to meet me and my daughter at the ER. At the hospital they performed an EKG, did blood work and took a chest x-ray. Nothing showed up, so I was sent home with a prescription for heavy-duty Motrin. I'm lying here on the couch still feeling squeezed in the chest and back. Weird.

I am definitely relieved that my ticker is working just fine. I did get a good scare today that made me decide to take steps to get rid of this extra 60 pounds that I'm lugging around. I have never really seriously tried to lose the weight, I just hoped that one day I'd wake up and it would all be gone! I haven't always been heavy. I was a size 5 in college.

So, Iris' "I'm sick of being a fat, fat fatty" lifestyle makeover begins now. Are there any other RevGals with some extra junk in their trunk? If anyone would like to join me in trying to live more healthfully, e-mail me. My e-mail address is on my profile page.

Yep, That's Me!

With a tip of the hat to St. Casserole and Songbird:

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Empress Iris the Furtive of Walk upon Water Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Do you think I could put this on my PIF? Too much?

Superfluous

I'm feeling whiny. Please bear with me....

I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive, but it seems as if my involvement in worship leadership is getting less and less as the weeks go by. Today I led a prayer and did the Invitation to the Table. I watched as the interim led the rest of the communion liturgy, including breaking the bread and pouring the cup. I used to preach at least once a month, but now I preach every 8 weeks.

I feel superfluous. There's going to be a new pastor soon and s/he isn't going to inherit me. It's time to go.

The Kaleidoscope

A few nights ago the mother of one our teenagers(I'll call her Rachel) called me to ask if I could meet with them to discuss "Rachel's lying." Rachel is a straight A student, sweet, cute and very serious about her faith. In short, she's every mother's dream (and every pastor's dream, for that matter!) Her mom told me that Rachel had been falling into a pattern of telling little lies to either get what she wants or avoid getting into trouble. The latest incident involved her losing her house keys and pretending to find them so that she could go to lock-in at a friend's church. I was thinking, "Okay, she sounds like a very normal 16 year old to me." But clearly, her mom was very upset about her daughter straying off the straight and narrow, so I agreed to meet with them.

So tonight I met with mom, dad, and Rachel for coffee. Rachel was, as always, very polite but clearly mortified that she had to have a meeting with her parents and the pastor. I knew that she had to feel pretty ganged up on. So after asking everyone to relay just the facts of the situation at hand, I felt that I had to let Rachel know that this meeting was not just for her benefit, but for the whole family. So I turned to Rachel and said, "Please tell me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing that you're thinking, 'Mom and Dad, you should thank your lucky stars! I'm a good student. I don't drink or do drugs. And you're getting all worked up and calling the pastor because I fibbed about some house keys?'" Rachel breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Thank you, that's exactly how I feel about this!"

We were then able to have a really good discussion about how dishonesty can erode the trust in relationships and create big problems for a person. Rachel was also able to share how she feels that her mom and dad, in being so strict with her, sometimes create situations where she feels she has to lie in order to have any fun at all. It was a good meeting because this family genuinely loves each other and cares about their relationships.

Well,the main reason I am writing about this is because of the way I felt afterwards: hopeful, used by God, and fulfilled even. Since August, I've only felt this way in my work twice, both times after preaching good sermons. Our Interim Pastor began in August and I resumed my part-time associate position after 4 months of being the full-time acting Head of Staff. Since then, I have done precious little preaching and pastoral care, which I believe are my primary gifts for ministry. It is no wonder that I feel so energized after preaching and spending time listening to others.

I love the folks in the congregation I serve. They are truly wonderful and have been so good to me and my family. They are mission and justice oriented and have the best lay leadership, bar none. I am actually a little afraid that I have been spoiled for any other church, and I'm not really joking when I say that! However, I have for some time now been feeling the restlessness of the Spirit preparing me for a new ministry location. I just don't know what or where that will be right now. I keep having this image of a kaleidoscope in my mind. When you turn it, all the little pieces shift to create a new picture. Right now, I'm waiting for another piece to shift so I can fall into place.

In the meantime, faithfulness. And savoring ministry moments, such as tonight.

UGH!

School is closed again tomorrow AND we are forcasted to get 5-7 inches of snow on Saturday. That might as well be 20 inches here. My kids may never go to school again.

Somebody help me.

Cabin Fever

The kids' schools have been closed so far this week because of our deep freeze. And I just got word that they are closed again tomorrow. Okay, this Wyoming girl is thinking, "WTF?"

So, I'm going to have to sping for a babysitter tomorrow so that I can make an appearance at church at least once this week! That, and if I don't get away from my children for at least a little while, I am going to lose it! I feel like that woman on a commercial several years back that greets her husband at the door with, "Is Daddy-waddy home from worky-jerky?"

I do adore my children, but we've had a bit too much togetherness in our 1300 square foot home since Friday night. It will do them good to play with some other kids for a few hours because my brain is turning into tapioca pudding and my imagination has run dry.

The Ice Storm

We've cancelled service tomorrow due to a bad ice storm that began yesterday and is going to continue for a couple of days. Right now, everything is calm and the kids are playing outside. It feels weird to not have anything to do on a Saturday afternoon!

Pre-School Theological Musings

A little while ago my daughter says to me, apropos of nothing;

"I don't like Jesus. Bubboo(translation: "Brother") likes Jesus. I like Mary."

3 years old and already desiring the sacred feminine!

On Feeling "Less Than"

This blogging business has been difficult for me because I have always been sensitive about others reading what I write. I love to preach, but really dislike it when someone says, "I'd like a copy of that sermon." That means I have to get my manuscript into a manageable form that someone might actually be able to read and understand- besides me! But the true reason I hate it is that I have no control over who reads it and cannot know how it will be received. I'm much more comfortable "letting the sermon go" and letting the Spirit take charge of how it's received when I'm in the pulpit, but I have this hang up about my manuscripts. I have this mental picture of someone I don't know reading one of my sermons and thinking, "Man, I feel sorry for her congregation!" I am in constant fear of being "less than."

I just began blogging in September and it challenges me for much the same reason: feeling "less than." I have to admit to being a bit awestruck by the women (and men!) in the RevGal blogring. At times it's downright intimidating! For the most part, I've just dabbled. I'll do the memes because they are pretty non-threatening and fun. I'll comment on someone else's blog because I'm piggy backing on something the author wrote. I'll post a cute story or some song lyrics. But I haven't really risked sharing my thoughts, feelings or insights on this blog, even though I'm using a pseudonym and only a very few know who I am.

I often have my best insights when I'm just about to fall asleep at night. Last night, as I was just about to doze, the thought came to me, "What if the original sin is this belief that one was 'less than?'" Eve enjoyed living in the Garden with an intimate relationship with God, but was able to be convinced that her life wasn't enough. I was taught as a child that our most basic sin was our pride, our desire to be more than we were created to be (i.e. God.) But couldn't it also be our tendency for many of us to diminish our personhood and be less than God created us to be? (Friends, in light of my topic, I am struggling against the urge to add, "I'm sure I'm not the first one to think of this." and "I'm sure others have said this before and more eloquently" So, I'll just add it parenthetically!)

I'm going to be more mindful to use this blog in a way that will help me to grow as a woman and a pastor. That doesn't mean that I'll stop doing the memes or leaving smart-assed comments on your blogs! But I will risk sounding out my half-baked, as well as brilliant, musings and insights for all to read!

In writing this, I'm reminded of the most famous thing that Nelson Mandela never said:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child
of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to
make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love. (Often incorrectly attributed to Nelson Mandela.)

Friday Five: Birthday, Redux

Reverend Mother said: Yours truly had a birthday this week, and while we've done the birthday thing before, I'm going to do my best to come up with new questions...

1. "It's my party and I'll [blank] if I want to..."Favorite way to celebrate your birthday (dinner with family? party with friends? a day in solitude?)
Get a massage! I don't care about anything else, just get me to the spa!

2. "You say it's your birthday... it's my birthday too, yeah..." Do you share your birthday with someone famous? (Click here to find out!)

I'm pleased to say that I have the same birthday as Mother Teresa. (I got to meet her in 1994- another post!) Also, according to the website provided by Reverendmother, I share a birthday with Pee Wee Herman ("I know you are, but what am I?") Also, my birthday is the same as Alexa Vega, the little girl from the Spy Kids movies. My kids are major fans!

3. "Lordy Lordy look who's forty..."Milestone birthdays: a) just like any other birthday--they're just numbers, people. b) a good opportunity to look back/take stock c) enjoy the black balloons--I'll be hiding under a pile of coats until the day is over d) some combination of the above, or something else entirely.
I guess I choose "d." Of course, I'm not yet forty! :P

4. "Happy birthday, dear... Customer..."Have you ever been sung to in a restaurant? Fun or cringe-worthy?
If I get free dessert, sing off key all you want!

5. "Take my birthday--please"Tell me one advantage and one disadvantage about your particular birthday (e.g. birthday in the summer--never had to go to school; birthday near Christmas--the dreaded joint presents) EDITED TO ADD: This could also simply be something you like/dislike about your birthday (e.g. I like sharing a birthday with my best friend, etc.).
I have a late August birthday, so school started that day several years. Poop.

My Song for 2007

Happy New Year! I took myself to see the movie Dreamgirls the other day and ever since I have been singing this song, I Am Changing. Now, I'm not one to cry during movies- usually. But when Jennifer Hudson as Effie was singing this song (as well as I Am Tellin' You- shown in the pic), the tears were flowing and I was glad that I went to the movies by myself that day!

So, here's the song on my heart this first day of 2007; part prayer of confession; part petition; and all full of acknowledgment that no one accomplishes change all by herself.

I Am Changing

Effie:

Look at me, Look at me

I am changing

Trying every way I can

I am changing

I'll be better than I am

I'm trying to find a way to understand

But I need you, I need you

I need a hand

I am changing

Seeing everything so clear

I am changing

I'm gonna start right now, right here

I'm hoping to work it out

And I know that I can

But I need you, I need a hand

All of my life I've been a fool

Who said I can do it on my own

How many good friends have I already lost?

How many dog nights have I known?

Walking down that wrong road

There was nothing I could find

All those years of darkness

Looking for some light

But now I can seeI am changing

Trying every way I can

I am changing

I'll be better than I am

But I need a friend

To help me start all over again

That would be just fine

I know it's gonna work out this time'

Cause this time I am

This time I am

I am changing

I'll get my life together now

I am changing

Yes I know howI'm gonna start again

I'm gonna leave my past behind

I'll change my life

I'll make a vow and nothings gonna stop me now

Talk to You All Next Year!

The antibiotics are finally kicking in and I am beginning to feel human again. However, my son is now saying that his throat is hurting him. Please, God, not again.

My laptop's got some problems, so I've got to send it into Dell tomorrow. Thankfully it's still under warranty. So, you won't be hearing from me until I get it back- however long that takes.

When 2006 began, I had no clue that I would join the blogosphere and meet so many wonderful people who encourage me in my life and ministry. So, with gratitude for all of you, I wish you a blessed Christmas and a very Happy New Year!

Peace,
Iris

Strep for Me, Yippee!

I just returned for my Doctor and I have strep. So, today I'm singing Songbird's "Swollen Glands" song from last week. Come to think of it, we must be passing this crud around our blogring! No, I know it's all my son's fault!

Thankfully, strep is easily taken care of with some antibiotics. But, that's no issue, because I have nothing else to do this week, right?

One funny to share- my doctor actually gagged when she looked at my throat! Maybe that's only funny to me!

Preaching Sick

I'm running a fever; my throat hurts really bad; I'm aching all over and I've got the chills.

Yet, when I came to the pulpit, I didn't feel any pain and my voice was clear and strong.

I'll never never cease to be amazed when that happens! I felt upheld by the Spirit and I really didn't want to leave the pulpit. I did, though reluctantly!

At these times I am re-reminded that it's not about me. Thank God!

Friday Five: Yuletide Favorites

For this mid-December Friday Five, let's explore some Yuletide favorites.

1) It's a Wonderful Life--Is it? Do you remember seeing it for the first time?

I don't remember seeing this for the first time, much in the same way I don't remember seeing The Wizard of Oz the first time.

2) Miracle on 34th Street--old version or new?

There's a new version? I missed that one. I don't think that any little girl could do skepticism quite as convincingly as young Natalie Wood!

3) Do you have a favorite incarnation of Mr. Scrooge?

It's a toss up between Mr. Magoo and Bill Murray!

Susan Lucci- not so much.

4) Why should it be a problem for an elf to be a dentist? I've been watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer for years now, and I still don't get it.

I don't get it either. Don't elves get cavities from all the candy they eat?

5) Who's the scariest character in Christmas specials/movies?
The Bumble
The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, Muppet Version
That Mean Magician Who Tries to Melt Frosty
Your Nomination

The Winter Warlock from Santa Claus is Coming to Town (before he became good) always made me run out of the room when I was little.

A Christmas Story for Those Having A Bad Day

This was just the giggle I needed after an ugly run-in with our grouchy and insubordinate church secretary!

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. So, frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Tee Hee!

Oh, How the Years Go By

I've seen this meme around the blogring the past few days and, since I can't think of anything else to write about, I'll give it a whirl.

Twenty years ago, I was:

• in the 9th grade and captain of the cheerleading squad;
• living with my family in the least populated state in our country;
• being trained in Youth Evangelism Explosion;
• feeling conflicted about what I was being taught in YEE;
• very, very, very boycrazy!

Fifteen years ago, I was:

• a Sophomore at a small, church-related university;
• a Bible and Religion major;
• sporting a very, very short hairstyle;
• probably in the midst of final papers for the semester;
• beginning to wonder if I would remain in my denomination;
• still pretty boy crazy!

Ten years ago, I was:

• living back in the state with more antelope than people;
• serving as an AmeriCorps volunteer working with at-risk Junior High students;
• paying the bills working part-time at Pizza Hut;
• beginning to gather seminary applications;
• a serial dater (still boy-crazy!)

Five years ago, I was:

• living in the Mile High City with my husband of 3 years and our 1 year old son;
• still boy crazy, but only for the two boys in my life;
• newly graduated from seminary (well, 6 months earlier;)
• working as an on-call chaplain in a local hospital;
• preparing to move to another state to begin serving in my first call;
• knowing in my heart of hearts that said first call wasn't the best match.

One year ago, I was:

• enjoying the Advent season in our newly purchased home in city in the Bible Belt with husband of 7 years, 5 year old son and 2 year old daughter (now girl crazy, too!)
• serving as part-time Associate in gift of grace from God congregation;
• having fun writing two dialogue sermons with my beloved colleague for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day service. I didn't know it would be our last Christmas serving together;

Yesterday, I was:

• cleaning the house like a mad woman because I just couldn't take it anymore!
• helping my little girl get dressed up in her "pretty dress-up, dancing dress" to go to the choir concert of two of our high school youth;
• planning Christmas Eve service;
• reading the Television Without Pity forums on the TV show, Heroes, because I'm in serious withdrawl! January 22 until the next new show!
• feeling restless, yet grateful.

Fa-la-la-la-la, La Friday Five

From the RevGals:

Reverendmother here... those of you who read my blog know I have a love-hate relationship with the 24/7 Christmas music we're subjected treated to in stores and radio (in the U.S. at least). It gets too sentimentally sticky-sweet sometimes, yet I find myself unable to resist it. Nothing says "it's Christmas" to me like John Denver and Rolf the Dog singing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." So...

1. A favorite 'secular' Christmas song.

It's really just a silly pop song, and I don't know it's actual title, but I like the song by Wham that goes,
"Last Christmas I gave you my heart,
but the very next day you gave it away.
This year to save me from tears,
I'll give it to someone special."

This song reminds me of Anica and Brigitta, two of my favorite students when I taught English in Budapest the two years after college. They loved this song and were aghast that I had never heard it.

I also like the way George Michael sings the word "special." It's so special.

2. Christmas song that chokes you up (maybe even in spite of yourself--the cheesier the better)

This is easy. I always get choked up when I hear Amy Grant singing the words, "Everyone would have a friend" in the song "Grown-up Christmas List." I can't stand the thought of a friendless person. I don't have the same reaction when Vanessa Williams or Kelly Clarkson sings the song, however. Perhaps I have the feeling that Amy might actually care about lonely people, too.

Now, I hate songs that seem crafted just to yank the tears from your tear ducts. Which brings me to.....

3. Christmas song that makes you want to stuff your ears with chestnuts roasted on an open fire.

I think the song is called "Christmas Shoes" by a Christian group called Newsong. It's about a little girl who wants to buy her dying mommy a certain pair of shoes so that she'll look pretty when she goes to see Jesus. That song is all over the radio here!

4. The Twelve Days of Christmas: is there *any* redeeming value to that song? Discuss.

Ummm.... It's a good mind exercise to help prevent memory loss?

5. A favorite Christmas album

Truthfully, my favorite is an acoustic guitar Christmas tape that I got from the dollar store.

There is Hope for Us Yet!

Oh how I dreaded going to Presbytery today! We had before us an overture from the sessions of three of our congregations which sought to "clarify ordination standards" by declaring that all the ordination standards in G-6 of our Book of Order are "essential." This was, of course, very controversial and I expected there to be some fireworks at today's meeting. However, that is not what happened, thank God!

The wisdom of the Presbytery (53-30) was to postpone voting on this motion for one year and charge our Connecting Congregations committee to develop a plan for us to engage in the work that General Assembly has charged us to do in adopting the recommendations of the Theological Task Force on the Peace, Unity and Purity of the Church. So, in the next year, we will be creating theologically diverse groups to join together in worship, bible study, prayer, sharing our stories, and listening to one another. In other words, we'll do our best, with God's help, to move beyond our "positions" and see each other as sisters and brothers in Christ as we discuss these issues that we all believe to be very important.

I know that there are those who are very disappointed and angry that the Presbytery took this action, and I pray that they will be willing to enter into this time of discernment with the rest of us. We need their voices and experiences. I know that I will need to be reminded of this fact time and time and time again!

Thank God, there is hope for us yet!

Friday Five: Adventually

Songbird says: Although it comes as late as it can this year, Advent is upon us. Some of us grew up observing it, while to others (including this childhood Baptist) it was even more foreign than Lent! Over the past twenty years, I have grown to love Advent as a season of preparation, although as a pastor I find it harder to practice it at home than at church, even when the church might prefer I make it the other way 'round.

Here are five questions about Advent for this first of December:

1) Do you observe Advent in your church?
Yes, indeed!

2) How about at home?
The kids each have an advent calendar thanks to a sweet woman from church. We don't usually have an advent wreath at home.

3) Do you have a favorite Advent text or hymn?
I always get the chills when I hear "O Come, O Come Immanuel" for the first time each year.

4) Why is one of the candles in the Advent wreath pink? (You may tell the truth, but I'll like your answer better if it's funny.)
One of the candles told a dirty joke about the shepherds and the sheep that made one of them blush.

5) What's the funniest/kitschiest Advent calendar you've ever seen?
There are some doozies out there. But I'll forgive even the kitschiest if it has chocolate!