Pentecost Service

We had a fantastic service this morning! Of course, it was Pentecost service, but it was also Confirmation Sunday, complete with a baptism of one of the confirmands. The confirmands were the liturgists and read their statements of faith to the congregation. Oh, and we also had communion. I am exhausted, but also very full and satisfied with how the Spirit blew through our congregation today.

I did, however, have a perplexing encounter with our music director. I heard the choir rehearsing the final hymn, "Spirit," and the organist was playing it as slow as a funeral dirge. I asked if it could please be played more quickly, as I was trying to create a joyful and celebratory mood for worship. The music director got annoyed, and in front of the choir, told me that I needed to arrange these kinds of changes beforehand. I repeated that I wanted it played faster and left. I wasn't asking for any major change like adding a hymn or asking for a soloist on a verse. Was I off base?

9:34 pm

Have you ever had one of those days when you were getting on your own nerves?

Friday Five: Hard Habit to Break

1. Have you ever successfully quit a bad habit, or gotten a good habit established? Tell us about how you did it.
Well, I used to chew on my hair. I know, that's a pretty lame habit! I'm non actually sure that I've gotten over it because for the past few years my hair has been too short to chew. I'm growing it out now, so we'll see in a few months.

2. "If only there were a 12-step program for _________________!"
American Idol! After every season I say, "I done with that," only to begin watching again when the top 24 begin to compete. (I never watch the auditions because those shows are so mean-spirited.) My Mindy Doo didn't win and I'm disillusioned, so I'm vowing not to watch again. Ask me again next winter!

3. Share one of your healthy "obsessions" with us.
I floss every single day! Like Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman, before she has sex with a stranger, "You shouldn't neglect your gums." (She should have said, "You shouldn't neglect your dignity," but oh, well.)

4. Share the habit of a spouse, friend or loved one that drives you C-R-A-Z-Y.
Okay, when I and other normal people get their clothes out of their closets, we take the shirt (or whatever) off of the hanger and leave the hanger in the closet. My husband, on the other hand, takes the hanger out of the closet and then takes the shirt off the hanger. Now, I really don't care how he gets his clothes out of closet, except that he doesn't put the hangers back and there are fireplacin' hangers everywhere! Grrrrrrrrr..........

5. "I'd love to get into the habit of ___________________."
Yeah, that would be daily exercise.

Bonus: What is one small action you might take immediately to make #5 a reality?Tap into whatever Cathy has that is making her the amazing walking woman! But, really, I have begun to use a pedometer and my goal is 10,000 steps a day. Not, that I've gotten near that goal yet!

Bonus 2: Try it, and let us know how it goes in a future postIf I ever begin to lose this perpetually pregnant look, you will hear about it!

Here's a Question For You.

Again, thanks everyone for your words of comfort, support, and most importantly, your prayers for all involved.

Okay, new topic now.

My husband and I are having a disagreement. Is it ever okay to throw away a book if you don't want to subject anyone to the bad, bad theology contained within its pages? What if it was sent to you unsolicited?

Whatcha think?

The Media

I'm hearing from my family scattered around the country and from some of you that this story has appeared in papers nationally. I haven't gone looking because I don't have the heart, but I'm guessing that what others around the country are reading is just a blurb about what happened. Thanks again for all of your wonderful support.

I've had to stop watching the television news here, at least for now, because I get sickened both by the awfulness of it all and by how our local stations are covering it. They show footage of overturned tricycles and get up close to the chain link fence, which gives the impression that the children were in some kind of hellish prison. It's as if they are trying to give the impression that anyone with half a brain would know that this was a horrible environment for children.

Damn sensationalized news coverage.

Today

I nearly told a Session member to f***-off today after church. Instead, I channeled my inner valley girl and a very mature "Whatever!" flew out of my mouth.

I've learned that the church is not immune from those who attack when they see the slightest sign of weakness. Today I was the vulnerable one, as I shared with the congregation about all that's been going on. Needless to say, I shed a few tears as I asked the people of God to pray for all involved in this situation, including my family and another family in the church who used this childcare worker.

I've been one raw nerve since Thursday, and I did NOT want to listen to this elder as she cornered me right after service to berate me for not calling communion servers for next week. (NOT my job anyways!)

Whatever.

BTW: Thank you all so much for your kind support and prayers. I can't even begin to tell you how much it has meant to me. Of course, I don't have the words for a lot of things right now.

Update

The little boy died.

According to the police report, this woman tied his hands and covered his mouth with masking tape because he wouldn't go down for naptime.

I'm completely numb.

Stunned

My child care worker was just arrested for critically injuring a 2 year old under her care. DHS made a surprise inspection at her place when the boy was found and then rushed to the hospital. Thank God they came.

This woman has watched my children off and on for 3 years. Her in-home day-care is in a rougher neighborhood (where my church is located) and she has always taken in children who no one else would. She has come over to our house for my kid's birthday parties. She just watched my daughter this past Friday while I chaperoned my son's field trip.

Oh God, have I been blind? Ignored some big, flashing warning signs?

My children both swear that no one has ever hurt them while they were there. I still can't stop crying.

ETA: The news just reported that there was a warrant for her arrest even before this incident. Also, the child they found today was found unconscious and without a heartbeat. So, we may be talking about murder of a child. God, what if my children had been there? I am devastated and scared that there are things that my children haven't told us.

My Deep Question for the Night....

How did My Pretty Pony Disney Princess

make it to the Idol finale over "my girl, Melinder?"

Huh, America?

I mean, really!?!

More to Consider

I found out this weekend from the "Presbytery grapevine" that the pastor of a terrific, mid-size congregation in this city in the Bible Belt is leaving next month. For a long time, I have been imagining myself as the pastor of this congregation, but never believed that this particular pastor would be leaving any time soon.

I've also heard through "the grapevine" that some key lay leaders of this church have been asking my Presbytery colleagues about my potential interest in this call. Man, this would be a great call: we wouldn't have to move, the church is three blocks from my son's school, I wouldn't have to take my son out of his Spanish immersion program, I could continue in my Spiritual Director training with my group and my Spiritual Director.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!! There's always more to consider.

Since this pastor is going to be leaving next month, it will be 6 months or more (probably more) before they will be ready to begin the search process. I am certainly not arrogant enough to believe that I have a lock on the position, but it hearing about this has exposed my true feelings that were hidden even to me that I really would like to stay here in this city.

I am still rather keen on this congregation far, far away with whom I've been interviewing. I am confident that my husband and I will know what is right, when the time is right. However, sometimes I think God says to us,"This would be good *and* that would be good. You'll be useful and blessed whatever." All I know right now is that I am called to pastor a congregation and that I am languishing in my current position. I know that sounds awfully melodramatic-languishing- but that is exactly how it feels. Would I be able to wait potentially a year in order to be considered for this call, which I may or may not get?

Thanks for reading; if you're still reading, this stream of consciousness post. I feel like my brain has tilted inside of my head. Pray for me.

Seven Things

SingingOwl has tagged me for this here meme.

So, here are "Seven Things You Really Didn't Want To Know About Me and Because Of That You Never Thought To Ask"

1. I moved over 20 times before I was 10 years old. My Dad was neither a pastor nor in the military, just a restless soul.

2. I am addicted to TV show, Heroes. Before this show came on, I never felt the need to read the online forums like Television Without Pity. Now, I read the online "graphic novel" (comic book to me) and read the forums about theories about how the season will end. Will Peter explode and destroy New York? Will Sylar kill Nathan and become President? Will the indestructible cheerleader ever have a bad hair day? Yeah, I'm a freak!

3. No one over the age of 18 months is allowed to touch me with their feet. This includes my husband and children who all have rather nasty feet. After 18 months, a child's feet have been walked on long enough to have lost their cute, soft, "babiness" and have turned into sweaty, smelly, "Bam-Bam" feet. Yuck.

4. Before I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and began using a C-Pap machine at night, I would wake up in the middle of almost every night sitting up in bed with my legs crossed, my pillow in my lap and my head resting on my pillow. This was from the time I was child and everyone just thought I was strange or doing it on purpose. The reality was that I would stop breathing when I was lying down and I sat up in order to breathe.

5. Right after my daughter was delivered via emergency c-section, my doctor showed my husband my uterine fibroids before he sewed me up. It's strange to know that my husband has literally seen inside me.

6. Dick Cheney spoke at my high school graduation. You see, I graduated from Dick and Lynn's alma mater. It was 1990 and he had just become Secretary of Defense, so Secret Service was everywhere, which completely sucked! I don't remember a word that Cheney said.

7. My feet grew 1/2 a size with each baby. These are the kind of things that they don't tell you!

Since tomorrow is Friday Five, I'm going to break the rules and not tag anyone. If you want to play, let me know and I'll visit!

Just Breathe

This is morning I presented my final project for year one of Spiritual Director training, which was a six session plan for a small group to practice breath prayer. I led my class in one of the sessions and I thought that it was going to seem forced and bit artificial because of being evaluated and all. But, man, even with my lowered expectations, the Spirit showed up!

Breath prayer apparently was exactly what the group participants, including my Spiritual Director, needed this morning. After the period of silent breath prayer, we entered into a time to write in our journals and then a time to witness to one another about our experiences in the prayer time. The depth of sharing was incredible, as God had spoken to each us in surprising, unique and very intimate ways. It was actually a bit overwhelming, but only because I found myself fighting against the part of myself that doesn't like to risk vulnerability. However, since the leader of the group is a participant, I did finally relax, followed my breath, and God was there.

In breath prayer, you pray a word or short phrase or sentence along with each breath you take. This prayer form helps us to "pray without ceasing." You discover your breath prayer by imagining God asking you, "What do you want?" Then, you choose a name for God that is meaningful to you at that moment. For instance, if what you are seeking is comfort and your name for God is "Shepherd," then your breath prayer could be, "Shepherd, let me know your comfort."

My breath prayer this morning was "Spirit, help me to be ready" because I am in a discernment period and believe that my next call is imminent. As I was praying, I found that I was having a great deal of difficulty taking deep breaths. As I inhaled through my nose, I felt like something was blocking my breath. I tried breathing in through my mouth, but that was only slightly better.

I felt the Spirit saying to me, "I want to teach you something here. Relax, don't force. Part of 'being ready' is to resist your tendency to be impatient and to force. Trust me to 'ready' you and know that a congregation is being 'readied' too for your leadership." In my prayer, I also felt the freedom to "let loose" of a congregation I have been in contact with that I know in my heart is not my call. I've been holding on to them as sort of a life preserver because I am fairly certain that they would extend a call to me. (I know that sounds really arrogant, but that is the sense that I get from them.) I understand now that, in a way, my holding on to them is like blocking the breath of the Spirit.

Tonight I had a second phone interview with the PNC (search committee) from a different congregation. While some phone interviews feel like an interrogation, this was more of a meaningful conversation among friends. When I pray about this potential call, my breath is free and I am able to fill my lungs.

Graduate Recognition

Does anyone know of a good litany or prayer for graduation recognition? If so, may I borrow? Pretty, pretty please? With proper credit given in our bulletin, of course!

I'm tired of the ones I've used before and my creative well is dry right now. Many of those that I have call for the graduates to say a part in the litany, which usually is a wonderful idea. However, this year we only have one high school graduate and she would mortified to be asked to speak all by herself.

If anyone can help me out, e-mail me.

WTH?

Why are the month headings in my blog archive now in Spanish?

ETA: As soon as I posted this, it changed back to English. Is Blogger trying to gaslight me?

Friday Five: Party Time!

Songbird says: I hate to say it, but over the years I've been to too many parties where I, or the birthday child, has felt much like the chorus of Lesley Gore's old tune. I am therefore not the biggest fan of birthday parties.For this Friday (which happens to be my birthday), tell us these five things about parties, birthday or otherwise.

1) Would you rather be the host or the guest?

Oh, definitely the guest! Much less stress!

2) When you are hosting, do you clean everything up the minute the guests go home? Will you accept help with the dishes?

I'll clean up anything that might attract ants right away, but the rest probably waits until later. I absolutely would accept help with the dishes. I'd appreciate the help and often wonderful conversations arise from doing mundane tasks together.

3) If you had the wherewithal, and I guess I mean more than money, to throw a great theme party, what would the theme be?

This is less a "theme" and more of an "experience:"

I think it would be fun to spontaneously to show up at my friends' houses in a limo and then head to a spa to get pampered head to toe. Then, go to Nordstrom's and have a personal shopper choose fun "out on the town" outfits for each of us. Then we would go eat a sumptuous dinner with lots of wine and dessert, of course. I would want to "party" with only about 2 or 3 other women.

4) What's the worst time you ever had at a party?

Oh, this is easy. In my early 20's I had a crush on this cute guy from work. So, I was thrilled when one day he asked if I would like to go to a party with him that night. I was quite a bit less impressed with this fellow when we got to the party and it was a fireplacin' Amway party! To quote Deena Carter, "Did I shave my legs for this?"

5) And to end on a brighter note, what was the best?

I tend to not enjoy big bashes because it's a lot of work for me to "mill around" and be sociable. So, the best party I've ever been to was when my husband surprised me by taking the kids to a friend's house for the night and took me away to a B&B. Our room had a jacuzzi tub and there were roses and champagne waiting. Now, that is my kind of party!

Opening Up Pandora's Box

I just finished plugging in all of the relevant details of my life and ministry into the Church Leadership Connection data base. Blech! It's hard to squeeze all that I want to say into 1500 characters (not words, mind you, but characters) for each section. I'm not the most verbose pastor in the world, but that's tough to do.

I've resisted putting my name is "the system," because I much prefer to self-refer to Pastor Nominating Committees (PNC). My experience previously has been that I've been inundated with e-mails and phone calls from PNCs, mostly in areas of the country in which we aren't interested. Now, I know that the Deep South and the North East of the USA have numerous charms and delights, but no way, no how will my husband even consider living in those regions. Pretty much, if I should want to go east of the Mississippi River, I would have to go alone.

I hate having to tell a hopeful, faithful member of a PNC that I'm not even remotely interested. However, I can't do 12 phone interviews a week either and I don't want to waste a PNCs valuable time.

So, why have I opened Pandora's box and put my PIF (Personal Information Form) in the online system? I am feeling very hopeful and excited about two churches with whom I have already made contact. I am just getting concerned that perhaps I am closing myself off from potentially wonderful calls that, for whatever reason, I haven't considered.

The kaleidoscope keeps turning and I'm waiting for my piece to shift into place.

A Gift from Songbird

In the mail today I received a package from Songbird filled with some lovely smelling items: lavender scented soap, hand salve, foam bath, and candle all in a very pretty travel bag.

What did I do do deserve such wonderful self-care items, you ask? Nothing, except read and comment on her incredible blog. Apparently, a while back, mine was the 100,000 comment on her blog and she wanted to give a prize. Because we all know what a drag it is to read Songbird's blog and since no one reads it, she needs to bribe readers to drop by! ;)

But really, if there's a RevGal out there who hasn't checked out Songbird's blog (which I doubt, but you never know,) get thee to Set Free on the double to read wonderful posts from someone who really knows how to write.

Thanks, Songbird! I really appreciate the gift. How lucky am I?

Friday Five: What Are You...

1. Wearing
a pink blouse, jean capri pants, bare feet

2. Pondering
I am the moderator of a Presbytery committee and I am trying to figure out how to respond to a Presbytery colleague who has gone over my head. Hmmmmm.....

3. Reading
I just finished a delightful novel titled Miss Julia Speaks Her Mind by Ann B. Ross. It's about a proper Southern woman who find her voice and herself following the sudden death of her over-protective and patronizing husband.

4. Dreaming
I am dreaming about being the pastor of a small church in the mountains.

5. Eating
I'm eating a bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal with soy milk.

Confirmation

Is it wrong to hate teaching Confirmation class?

I have three middle school girls in the class this year. They are very sweet and I love them, but Confirmation is clearly not priority for them. They have mentors that they are supposed to meet with at least 4 times to talk about spiritual journey, worship, stewardship and mission. Then they are to do an assignment reflecting what they learned. We accomplished the spiritual journey portion at the opening retreat, but they have dragged their feet on the other assignments. In fact, I cancelled last week's meeting because none of them had done their assignments. Yesterday, one girl showed up on time (with out her assignment completed) and the other two completely forgot that we had class! I gave a schedule to them AND their parents at the beginning and I make phone calls to remind them. Grrrrrr....

So, I had a "come to Jesus" conversation with them and told them that perhaps we should just cancel the class all together and try again next year. They seemed shocked that I would even consider doing that and I could see them searching my face to see if I was bluffing. I wasn't and they realized that.

So, we'll see.

Friday Five: Surprised By Joy

Jesus said to them, "Children, you have no fish, have you?" They answered him, "No."He said to them, "Cast the net to the right side of the boat, and you will find some." So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in because there were so many fish. That disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!" When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on some clothes, for he was naked, and jumped into the sea. (John 21:5-7)

Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning. (Psalm 30:5b)

Songbird says: This week I've been watching parents of the young people slain at Virgina Tech trying to make meaning out of the lives of their lost children, and each one seems to begin by focusing on something joyful about that child. It's a gift that most humans have brains wired to respond in that way. For some of us it can be harder to work our way out of dark places, but I believe joy remains the key. It is the spirit of resurrection.

Tell us about five people, places, or things that have brought surprising, healing joy into your life.

1) My husband, J.
I was not one of those little girls who had her wedding planned by the time she was 12. Before I met J., my longest dating relationship had been 4 months and I honestly didn't care if I ever got married. I met J. on New Year's Eve ... at a bar. (Anybody who knows me well thinks that is hysterical!) When I met J., my thought was ,"Oh, there you are!" We were married 8 months later and will celebrate our 9th anniversary this August. Actually, we celebrate 2 anniversaries each year; the one in August and another on New Year's Eve.

2) My children, J.H. and C.
Experiences like a few nights ago notwithstanding (see last post and comments), my children have brought inexpressible joy into my life. Before I met my husband, I never really imagined myself as a mother. In fact, I told J. that if having children was very important to him, he probably shouldn't marry me. However, the strangest thing happened, I said "I do" and then I wanted kids. It was truly that instantaneous!

I love my kids for all the ways they remind me of myself and my husband and for all the ways in which they are completely and utterly their own persons. For instance, my daughter at 3 years old has already told me all about her wedding. She says she's going to wear a white dress, white tights, white sandals, white gloves, and white headband.

3) City in the Bible Belt
I've written before about how wonderful our experience in this city has been. I never imagined that we would like living here as much as we do, as I had no idea how much this city had to offer in the way of of museums, parks, etc. I'm not sure how much longer we'll be living here, so I have been making a list of all the things I want to make sure to do here before we leave.

4) Spiritual Direction training
Last September, a pastor in our Presbytery who has a spiritual direction practice (is that the right term?) called me out of the blue to ask if I would be interested in a joining a spiritual direction group. She said that my name kept popping up to her in prayer and on my end, the topic of spiritual direction was constantly coming up in conversation and in my readings. It has been absolutely fantastic to practice many forms of prayers and learn how lead groups in these disciplines. This is year one of a 3 year course to be certified as a spiritual director.

5) RevGalBlogPals
I had been craving fellowship with a community of women pastors and for months I had been searching the Internet for such a community. However, when I would plug in "women pastors" or "female clergy" and so on in the search engine, it would only come up with sites for pastors' wives and sites dedicated to arguing against women becoming pastors. How great was my surprise and joy when I read about RevGalBlogPals in a September issue of the Christian Century! I am inspired, challenged, entertained and empowered by your posts and I cherish each and every encouraging, kind, funny and smart-assed comment you make my blog! I only wish I had found you all much, much sooner!