Two Things Meme

RevHipChick tagged me for this meme tonight.

Two names you go by:
1) Mama
2) another name, similar to "Iris" (but I'm not telling here, at least not yet...)

Two things you are wearing right now:
1) a really ugly, but oh so comfortable, sundress
2) um, underwear

Two of your favorite things:
1) the laughter of my children
2) chocolate

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1) to know which 300 words to shave from my sermon
2) to lose about 50 pounds

Two favorite pets you have or had:
Shadow and Emmy- my kitty cats.

Two people you hope will fill this out:
anyone who wants to!

Two things you did last night:
1) I saw the "Sex and the City" movie last night. It was very satisfying for this fan!
2) I put drano down my bathtub drain

Two things you ate last night:
1) vegetarian BLT (made with smoked tempeh)
2) chocolate covered raisins at the movie

Two people you last talked to:
1) my sister
2) my husband

Two things you are doing tomorrow:
2) preaching
3) sleeping

2 farthest trips taken in the last 5 years:
1) to Virginia in 2004 ( was extended a call to a church out there. I wanted to go, but hubby didn't.)
2) to St. Simon's Island, GA- also in 2004 for the Princeton Youth Ministry Forum. Very fun!

Two favorite holidays:
1) Holy Week- hands down, my favorite time of the year.
2) Thanksgiving

Two favorite beverages:
1) good ol' H2O
2) Cabernet

Thanks, HipChick!

I'm Here

I just haven't felt like blogging lately. I'm fine, but have been feeling a bit like a turtle who wants to hide in her shell for a little while.

I realized recently that I had been white-knuckling my way through life for several months and was feeling very depressed. So, for a couple of weeks I took some down time. With the blessing of my General Presbyter and the personnel committee, I only preached and went to essential meetings.

It was a good thing. I made a list of things that I needed to do for myself that I had been putting off. I replaced the mask for my c-pap machine (for sleep apnea) that broke probably 4 months ago. I visited my doctor who did some blood work- all fine. Spent time with my family. I slept.

I am feeling much better and have dozens of blog posts that I'd like to write. Maybe I'll write a few of them.

I do want to share a few things for which I am thankful today...

• our little, cozy home in a great neighborhood


• that my husband and I are making more of an effort to spend time together- just us


• the colleagues in my Presbytery who have wrapped me in loving care


• my son's successful completion of first grade


• belly laughs with my little girl


• blogging buddies whose writing inspire, challenge and take me out of my life for awhile.


• oh, and my new porch swing I got for Mother's Day!

Done

With some urging from More Cows, I decided to call the PNC chair. I'm so glad that I did because now I don't have to wonder anymore and I can finally feel free to explore other calls.

This is what he told me:
The PNC fell in love with both me and the other candidate and just couldn't make up their minds between us. Then, a pastor in their Presbytery decided to throw his hat into the ring and, well, it is likely that they are going to extend the call to him.

My intuition tells me that there is more to the story, but that's not my concern, is it?

This night before Pentecost, I pray God's blessing on that call and that their ministry together will flourish.

Finally, Something

E-mail I received tonight from PNC chair:

Dear Pastor Iris,

I am sorry that I have not communicated to you lately – we have been very busy in our discernment process.

We have not yet offered a call, so I would ask a little more patience. We expect to finish this very shortly.

After nearly a month of no contact, I'm not sure what to make of this.

Just in case you were wondering...

...I've still heard nothing from the Pastor Nominating Committee.

I haven't called them, either. It's kind of a game now to see how long they intend to keep me dangling. I really don't mean to sound bitter, because I'm not. Truly, I'm not. I'm more bemused and bewildered at their behavior.

And I hardly think about it anymore, especially the past few days since our childcare worker's trial.

If it is possible to be seriously bummed at same time as having peace-- that's me right now.

Verdict In

I guess the jury didn't need much time to convict.

Verdict: 1st degree murder

Sentence: life in prison without parole.

Iris household: heartbroken

Trial Began

The trial for our former childcare worker began today. For those of you who weren't readers last year, you can read about it here and here.

The mother of the child who died testified today, which I'm sure was just excruciating for her. I don't think that I will be going to observe; I just don't think I could handle it.

Please pray for all involved.

And Now...

...still nothing to report.

And.....................Nothin'

It's almost 9:30 pm on Friday night and still I've heard zilch. At this point, I'm playing all kinds of scenarios out in my mind, such as:

1) They are taking a week for discernment before they extend a call.

2) They've already extended the call to the other person, but she (I know it's a she) is needing some time to decide. So, they haven't called me ,"just in case."

3) They've already extended the call to the other person and they forgot to include the kiss-off letter with the check reimbursing me for my airfare.

4) They're big jerks who have no intention of calling.

They didn't seem like big jerks to me, so #4 is out. #1 could be the case, but wouldn't they have at least dropped a quick line to both of us to that effect? Maybe, maybe not. My hunch is that #2 is what's happening. I know, I know....I can't know for sure and this speculating is only serving to drive me out of my mind. There is lots going on that I'll never ever know about and God is in control.

However, I do need to think about how I would respond should they call me in the coming days offering me the position. Do I ask if I was their second choice? Could I be okay with that if that were the case?

Honestly, I think that I am about over it all. I never have had that sense of confirmation that God is indeed calling me there. I longed for it. I prayed for it. I wanted to fall completely head over heels in love and I wanted them to fall head over heels in love with me. I really liked the PNC and I really like the location, but I just don't have the sense of joy that I need to have in considering a call.

Friends, this isn't my call, is it?

I'm Still Waaaaaaaiiiting!!!

So, I'm guessing that they extended the call to the other person because the church website is announcing a congregational meeting. I suppose there are lots of reasons for a congregational meeting, but I wonder...

I just wish they'd call so I'd know.

Where It Is Right Now

I hate waiting.

However, I don't know what I'd say if they did call tonight.

I'm one confused puppy.

and now for your moment of immaturity.....

This morning's prelude:

"Air for the G String"

tee-hee

Well, Crap....

I just accidentally deleted my blog roll! I still love you all!

ETA: I just spent about an hour recovering my blogroll, but for some reason only a few of you actually made it onto the roll. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. It doesn't seem *that* hard!

Prayin' and Thinkin'...

I'm pressed for time today, but I wanted to let you know how it went...

I had a very good weekend. Everything went very well, preaching included. It was a fantastically beautiful weekend with lots of sunshine! The weather has been so gloomy here lately, so I appreciated the sun on my face.

I didn't end up meeting with the Committee on Ministry because they don't want to meet until they have extended a call and it has been accepted. This is weird to me because are they really going to say no after a call has been accepted? Whatever.

I wish I could say that I had a great moment of clarity while I was there, but I didn't. I could see myself living there and pastoring this congregation, but I don't have the feeling of "this is it." It could be that I am feeling guarded because I know that they are interviewing another person this weekend.

It does help that today my husband has been saying that he thinks he would like to go. He's been pretty tight-lipped about it all until now. I want him to feel quite sure about it, especially since we'd be moving to where his parents live.

Oh, on Saturday night we had dinner at a committee member's apartment- the same apartment complex as my in-laws! In fact, this committee member serves on the condo board with my father-in-law. I think she thought I was strange for not telling my in-laws I was in town, but oh well. My husband was very adamant that I not.

So, prayers for clarity and discernment for all concerned would be greatly appreciated.

Getting Ready to Go

I'm here. I have so much to write about, but haven't been able to do it. I've sat at this computer so many times in the past weeks, but couldn't get myself to type anything. This is my pattern in the "real" world, as well; when I feel overwhelmed I shut down and and don't communicate with my friends and family. Not good, I know.

In a nutshell, I feel simultaneously very blessed and very confused and angry. The confused and angry part comes from decisions that my dad is making right now. I don't have time to write about that right now, but I will one of these days. Just please pray for him and my mom.

The blessed part is that tomorrow I fly west to meet with a Pastor Nominating Committee (PNC) to be interviewed and do a neutral pulpit. For HipChick, and other non-Presbyterians, a neutral pulpit is an opportunity for the PNC to hear a candidate preach and lead worship. This is done at another church in the area because pastor candidates aren't introduced to the congregation until a call as been extended and accepted.

I will also be interviewed by an exam team from this Presbytery's Committee on Ministry. I'm actually most nervous about this because this Presbytery is, by and large, very conservative. This Presbytery is a neighboring Presbytery to where I went to seminary and does not allow its inquirers and candidates to attend my seminary. So, I am little worried that they will be prejudiced against me from the get-go and that I will be in for one doozy of an interview with the COM. So far, I have had very laid back COM interviews. Have any of you had difficulty with this part?

I'm not sure if I mentioned that this city out west is where my in-laws live. We haven't told them anything, not even that I'm in conversation with this church. The reason is that they would be devastated if it didn't work out and if I were the one to pull the plug, I'm not sure my mother-in-law would ever forgive me. So, I really hope I don't accidentally run into them! It's possible, as the church is just down the hill from their condo.

Okay, must finish sermon. I decided to preach lectionary instead of pulling out one of Iris' greatest hits, but now I'm beginning to wish I hadn't. Oh, well....

Peace to you all...

He is Risen!

Have a Blessed Easter!

Quick Check-In

Going to interim training the week before Holy Week has made me way behind with no time to blog....rats!

But quickly...

• interim training was good, but very intense. At times I felt like it would have been more efficient to have just sliced off the tops of our heads, ala Sylar from Heroes, and just dump the information into our brains! And plenary session after plenary session was too much for this introvert to take.
• I met some fantastic people, including my great roomie and a woman who is serving on the Presbytery level for the first time. (*waves* at any new friends who may be lurking!) I sat at a table with a woman whose children's books on worship I have used extensively (think church mice.) So cool!
• Interim training has made me realize just how much I don't want to be an interim right now and that I truly long to be in a called position.
• I have been invited to fly out to a Western state in a few weeks to meet with a Pastor Nominating Committee and do a neutral pulpit.
• We still haven't made any changes to the dining room walls.

I promise I will expound upon all this after we get on the other side of Easter. Have a blessed and meaningful Good Friday.

"Dammit, Jim, I'm a Pastor, Not an Interior Decorator!"

Well, our home is almost completely restored from the damage from the ice storm; we've just got to have the gutters replaced in the back, yet. As sick as I was of having a hole in my dining room, I'm almost as sick of contractors and sub-contractors!

Although we only had a small amount of damage to the walls in the dining room, it necessitated getting the entire room re-wallpapered. Decorating is soooo not my forte, but I think I picked out a pretty paper for above the chair railing. Now, what I chose for below the chair railing.... Well, just look for yourself...

Gag me! I thought the green would match the green in the leaves above...and so did the woman in the wallpaper store. But, um, no, it certainly does not. I didn't realize that it would look so sea foam greeny up on the wall.

I definitely want to change this. Of course, insurance won't pay to have it changed just because I'm bad with color. The contractor working on the ceiling suggested that we paint a tan stain over it so that just the dark green would show through. It might be worth a shot.

*sigh*

Please forgive the lame-o Star Trek reference in the title!

Glad That's Behind Me...

Thank God Tuesday is behind me and now I can concentrate on other things in my life that have had to be back burnered, like Holy Week services and the two books I need to read before I go to interim pastor training on Monday.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers on Tuesday. It was rough. I was up front fielding questions for close to 40 minutes, I think. Well, it felt like 2 hours. I explained, I think fairly well, the reasoning behind our committee's decision to make our motion. I 'm not sure I didn't cross the line from explaining to "piling on," but I did the best I could.

I was prepared for some to speak against our motion. Heck, if I hadn't been serving on this committee and didn't know what I know, I'm sure I would have been speaking against it, too. So, I was ready for that. I also thought that I was prepared for the glares and head-shaking I would be subject to while I gave the report. However, I wasn't really ready. I tell you, this experience was ten times worse than all the times I have been examined on the floor of Presbytery put together!

But I got through it and our motion carried 2 to 1, which was good affirmation that the Presbytery trusts the committee. I hope and pray that people understood that we took no joy in what we did, but it was absolutely necessary and, truly, the most faithful and loving we could do for all involved.

That evening and the day after, I received numerous phone calls and e-mails from folks saying that I handled this painful and sensitive issue well. I haven't heard from those who disagree, but I'm sure I will eventually.

I may not be posting for about a week because I am heading to Austin for interim pastor training on Monday. Anyone else going to be there as well? I could be back to preach the next Sunday, but I decided I am going to take the whole week off. I really need it.

Prayers, Please....

Presbytery meeting is tomorrow. I would appreciate your prayers for the report that I have to make.

Thanks.